Why I Didn't Finish Camp NaNoWriMo

        I've been trying to think of what to post, and then I got an email reminding me to register for Camp NaNoWriMo. Which reminded me of how catastrophically I failed last year. Voila, blog post!
      April last year was a low point for me. I was having frequent anxiety attacks and also struggling with my depression. Even so, I decided to try Camp NaNoWriMo. And, being silly and more than a little idealistic, I set my word count goal for 50,000. Everything went well enough at first, but within a week, I was behind. I was too anxious to write during most of the time I could have. I was too exhausted at night to catch up. So I fell further and further behind. And, come the end of the month, I was only at about 20,000 words.
      And I'm okay with that, for a few reasons.
      The first is that it's a heck of a lot more than I would've written had I not tried. I had a good beginning. I'd done my best. I probably technically could have written the other 30,000, but I would have been majorly stressed, possibly panicked, and I wouldn't have taken that time to take care of myself.
      That's the second. I needed to take care of myself, first. I wouldn't have had any fun writing. I wouldn't have done anything but stress myself out. Instead of writing, I spent time researching anxiety, I spent one night a week in therapy learning to manage anxiety, and I let my writing go for a bit, because it was not helping me.
       Writing is supposed to be fun. A pain in the butt and the head and the heart, but overall worth it. And that's my third point. It was not worth it last April. I needed a break for my mental health. And that's okay.
       I'm trying again this year, this time with an editing goal for my November 2015 novel. I know I'm a lot stronger than I was one year ago. I also know that life might interfere with my writing again. In fact, it probably will. But I'm accepting that, knowing that I'll get something out of it. I didn't fail last year. I didn't meet my goal, but I didn't fail. I let myself do what was best for me.
      So as you go into any of your writing goals, keep that in mind. Writing is wonderful and takes you to amazing places, but your health is more important. Let yourself fail if you need to. There will always be more time to write. But you are so important and you need to take care of yourself first. If writing helps you work through stress or problems of any sort, go for it. But if it's only going to make you feel worse, then for heaven's sake, stop worrying about it and go do something that will help you feel better now. That novel will get written eventually, but not if you're not there to write it.

Pushing the Send Button

      In entering contests, sending my work to beta readers or sending back critiques, or even writing a blog post, one of the hardest parts is finding the courage to press send. It's a scary thing. The moment you push that button, your work is there to be read and judged, and there's nothing you can do to get it back.
      I think when I'm working up the courage to push that innocent-looking little button, what I'm really trying to do is prepare myself for possible rejection. I've poured my heart and soul into these words, and now I'm sending them out into a place where they could potentially be torn to shreds. It's a completely valid fear. But if I lived by that, I wouldn't be writing this right now. The thing about writing is that there will be a lot of rejection. No matter what, someone won't be satisfied. And that's okay.
      Facing rejection as a writer is a tricky balancing act. J.K. Rowling was rejected something-teen times before publishing the first Harry Potter book, so rejection isn't necessarily an indicator of quality or lack thereof. However, it's always good to take a look at your blind spots. In this case, rejection-- especially people pointing out one specific issue--can help your work grow.
    The other thing is that most of the time, especially in sending to beta readers, people are really nice. A lot of beta readers are writers themselves, and know how to give a good critique without crushing your soul. Most of the time, you'll get things you did well in addition to what you can fix. As far as blogging goes, I've no doubt that at least one person has run across this site and disliked it. But I'm still here. I'm alive.
       So if you need to close your eyes and scream as you press the button, do it. If you have to curl up on the floor, hold a pillow, and sob uncontrollably for ten minutes after, do it (also get yourself some hot cocoa and take care of yourself). But whatever you do, press that send button. Your writing will thank you for it.

A Simple-ish Explanation of the Cognitive Functions

            For a blog that is supposedly about writing, life, and MBTI, I've posted a lot about life, less about writing, and twice about MBTI.

            As I discovered the MBTI system, I looked up everything I could on everything (like I do when I have a new obsession– I've learned it's a Ni trait, but I digress). But for awhile, I ignored the cognitive functions. Why? Because they were just too darn complicated. I couldn't figure it out, and I couldn't fathom how I'd memorize each type's function combination. I could not for the life of me get a straightforward explanation of them. So, now that I'm older and wiser and actually kind of know what I'm talking about, I'm going to write that explanation.

            There are eight functions. Each has an abbreviation, which is listed below. I've also included a short explanation of the basics each function.

Extraverted Sensing- Se- Often stereotyped as the adrenaline junkie function. Se is all about taking in information in the present moment. It pays attention to the five senses and is aware of the external world.

Introverted Sensing- Si- Si is most closely linked to memory, and to being aware of sensation within one's own body. Si types tend to put trust in the past and what has worked before, which lends towards their reputation of being stubborn and bad with change.

Introverted Intuition- Ni- Ni gets a really good reputation in the MBTI community. It's known on tumblr as "psychic powers." In reality, Ni is all about picking up patterns and applying them to the future. It's used mostly unconsciously, assembling bits of information and putting them together like puzzle pieces, all below conscious understanding.

Extraverted Intuition- Ne- Ne is focused on possibilities- all of the possibilities. My best friend's little sister uses Ne, and hasn't yet developed her second function, and you can see that in the way she talks. She'll jump from idea to idea exhaustingly quickly, with seemingly no connections between them. Ne gathers as much information as possible and looks for relationships between things.

Extraverted Feeling- Fe- Stereotypically hugs and emotional manipulation, Fe seeks external harmony between people. It tries to read the dynamics of a situation and bring people together. Fe focuses on community values, but this doesn't necessarily mean that it uses traditional values. Fe takes the values of the community they belong to to heart, and try to help everyone feel included within them.

Introverted Feeling- Fi- Fi is all about internal values. It's about exploring one's own thoughts and feelings and staying true to them. Fi users tend to work through their feelings internally rather than look for external companionship. They live with the idea of not being able to control everything, but controlling themselves.

Introverted Thinking- Ti- Ti cares about internal logical consistency. It makes an internal framework for how the world works, adjusting when necessary for new information. Ti is analytical and enjoys taking things apart and figuring out why they work. It loves learning and finding the best possible solution, regardless of time.

Extraverted Thinking- Te- Te cares about structuring and ordering the external world through rational thought. It's decisive and efficient, and is very action-oriented. While Ti is content to sit and think about options for hours, Te likes to make a decision and execute it as quickly as possible. Te users tend to be good leaders because of this quality.

            The Judging function are the thinking/feeling ones– Ti, Fi, Te, and Fe. Perceivers will have the introverted versions of these functions, while judgers will have the extraverted versions. These functions primarily affect decision making– passing judgements. The Perceiving functions are Ne, Ni, Se, and Si. They affect how we process and experience the world, and having an extraverted perceiving function makes you a perceiver.

            Everyone has four functions in their stack, but you only need to figure out the first two, and the last two will be the opposite (Opposites are Ni/Se, Fi/Te, Si/Ne, Ti/Fe). Figuring out the functions can be a little complicated, especially if you don't know what they are, so here's a brief sketch of each function.

            Now, on to figuring out your functions! I'm going to use myself as an example. So, because of my obsession with this system, and because I overanalyze things, I got into this black hole of self-doubt a few months ago. What if I'm not actually an INFJ? What if everything I think I know about myself is a lie? So I resolved to determine the problem mathematically. (My method only fed into my doubt at first. My main problem was what if I'm actually a thinker/perceiver because Ti?) I found five different function tests across the internet, and took each of them, writing down my percentage for each function. Then I took the averages of each percentage to figure everything out. I discovered I am, in fact, an INFJ, I just have really strong Ti and social anxiety that impacts my Fe. You don't have to go to these lengths, but it helped me.

            Anyhow, in order to figure out which functions you use, it would be good to take at least one function test, to get a feel, and you kind of need to study the system. A lot. You don't necessarily need to find your dominant function first. I usually figure out thinking/feeling first, then figure out if the function is introverted or extraverted, then determine if the person is more introverted or extraverted. Your dominant function will be introverted if you're an introvert, and vice versa. Your secondary function will be extroverted if you're introverted.

If your dominant function is-

Te or Fe, your secondary function will either be Si or Ni

Ti or Fi, your secondary function will be Ne or Se.

Ni or Si, your secondary function will be Fe or Te.

Ne or Se, your secondary function will be Fi or Ti.

Figure out which dominant and secondary functions best fit you, and then put them together to find your type.

Ni, Fe, Ti, Se- INFJ

Ni, Te, Fi, Se- INTJ

Ne, Fi, Te, Si- ENFP

Ne, Ti, Fe, Si- ENTP

Se, Ti, Fe, Ni- ESTP

Se, Fi, Te, Ni- ESFP

Si, Te, Fi, Ne- ISTJ

Si, Fe, Ti, Ne- ISFJ

Ti, Se, Ni, Fe- ISTP

Ti, Ne, Si, Fe- INTP

Te, Ni, Se, Fi- ENTJ

Te, Si, Ne, Fi- ESTJ

Fe, Ni, Se, Ti- ENFJ

Fe, Si, Ne, Ti- ESFJ

Fi, Ne, Si, Te- INFP

Fi, Se, Ni, Te- ISFP

I'm not sure how much sense this makes, so if you have any questions, please ask them in the comments. I hope I've cleared up some of the confusion around the functions and made it simpler for you. If you want an explanation of the four-letter system and how you can use it for characters, check out my previous post here.

We Need Dumbledore's Army

I try really, really hard not to get political here. But I need to share this. Regardless of what you think of the recent US election and inauguration, you can't deny that the country is extremely divided right now. Hate is on the rise. Therefore, many people are turning to their favorite sources of comfort-- notably, Harry Potter.

This post was inspired by Ezra Miller's comments a while ago regarding the current political climate. He said, "The world of J.K. Rowling is this beautiful mythology that comforts us, and if we knew it as children, it brings us to a very basic place of feeling like we're not alone in the world. [She] reminds us of the tools that we have in times of darkness, like the one we are barreling into right now: our love, our support of each other, friendship, community." He noted that he watched the Harry Potter films with his friends after the election, because they needed that comfort. And he also made a statement that I think is beautiful. "I think we're going to need the Order of the Phoenix."

Reading this made me think. Being a teenager, I often feel painfully limited in the good I can do (which is often where these kinds of posts come from- sharing my voice via the internet to try to inspire change on some small level). I have strong political opinions, I'm a feminist, I care about equality, but it's so friggin' hard to do anything about it in a small town and smaller high school. Teenagers often aren't given credit for their opinions, being told they're "too young" to worry about these things.

Harry Potter often feels the same way. In book 5, he's told he's too young to join the Order of the Phoenix. Then he gets back to school and sees the same problems happening there. So what does he do? He creates Dumbledore's Army.

So I'm asking all the teenagers who might come across this-- will you be Dumbledore's Army with me? Let's educate ourselves on important issues, challenge injustice when we see it, and prepare to be the ones in the Order. Maybe the DA didn't cause broad, sweeping change. But it taught the people who participated. They learned how to defend themselves and others. And it prepared them to enact that broad, sweeping change.

As much as it feels like giving up to write this, maybe teens can't change the world by themselves. The world is a very big place, after all, and a very stubborn one. But I've discussed small-level change before. When you can't do everything to help (and you can't), do something to help. Create your own little pockets of joy and hope and peace and beauty and all the things the world desperately needs right now. If you can't make change for everyone, make change for someone. It's okay if that's just one person. It's okay if that one person is you. Because one day, you're going to be where the adults are now, and you're going to need all of your dueling skills and defensive charms.

I'd like to make one more note on this. Learn your Patronus charm. Find something that can make you happy, that can drive away the darkness around you, even if it's just for a while. Because all the hate in the world is ready to devour everything. It's crushing. You're going to need something to protect yourself. Whether it's music, or a sport, or books, or a list of a thousand little things that make you smile or all of these or none of these, please find a way to protect yourself from the hate. You can't help anyone if you don't help yourself first.

And don't feel guilty about using it. Use your Patronus as often as you need. Let yourself feel happy if you can, and if you can't, work to get to the point where you can. The world has enough sadness. Let yourself be happy. It might even be a little glow, a candle in a vast dark space, but it will illuminate your way and help you find other candles to light.

Maybe we can't change the world yet. But we can get ready for the time that we can.

The Lunar Chronicles MBTI

So, I have recently discovered the amazing series The Lunar Chronicles by Marissa Meyer. Oh, stars, it is fabulous. Easily one of the best-crafted series I've ever read. The fandom is fairly small though, and MBTI resources have been painfully limited. And then I realized-- I have a blog! (I kinda forget that) I can write a post with what I think! And then you all can disagree with me via comments! So, here's what I think about the types of the Rampion Crew.

Linh Cinder- ISTP: Okay, so initially this thought came to me with the nickname ISTP mechanic, which immediately led to an internal rant berating myself for relying on stereotypes, but the more I thought about it the more it made sense. Cinder is very observant, good with the present moment and physical world, which indicates Se, but I'm also quite certain she's introverted. Deciding between Ti and Fi was more difficult, but I tentatively decided Ti. She's very logical, staying cool in dangerous situations.

Kai- ENFJ: This one was kind of difficult. The only thing I was certain of at first is that he was an NF-- he's a hopeless romantic and extremely idealistic. Narrowing down his functions was a bit more difficult, but I'm reasonably confident he uses Fe, with how much he cares for his people. He constantly keeps his wants and desires in check for the safety of the Earthen Union, even if he does drop some epic sass while doing so. That makes it so his percieving function has to be Ni. After much deliberation, I decided that he's probably slightly more extroverted. He never really shows fatigue after dealing with people, and is very personal in all his communications.

Scarlet Benoit- ESTP: Scarlet. . . oh, Scarlet. She's very direct, very observant, and excellent at improvisation. She's definitely a Se-dom. She's also very blunt and direct. She may be a feeler, but I lean more towards Ti for reasons I have no idea how to articulate.

Wolf Kesley- ISFP: Oh my sweet cinnamon roll. He is sweet and perfect and I love him. Fangirling aside, I'm certain he's a Fi-dom. His whole character arc revolves around being who he really is rather than what others want him to be. He cares deeply about his convictions, his alpha, and his tomatoes. He's also very much in the present moment, taking in minute changes in an opponent's stance to win fights, and being very in touch with his senses. (Though that might have something to do with the wolf thing.)

Carswell Thorne- ESTP: Okay. How could Thorne be anything but an ESTP? His impulsivity, his focus on the external, his thrill-seeking behavior. He started a prison riot over soap, for stars' sake. He stole a spaceship he didn't know how to fly. He's very extroverted, very direct, and really, about what people think of when you say ESTP.

Cress Darnel- INFP: Cress's defining characteristics are her imagination and her kindness. She's very in tune with her feelings, and cares deeply about everything, really. And since a very young age, she's used imaginative scenarios to get through the many, many rough spots, jumping from idea to idea.

Jacin Clay- ISTJ: Jacin is another example of a stereotypical example of his type. He's extremely self-contained and doesn't take nonsense, even as a very young child. His Si is evident in the way he uses established ways to protect Winter, and is extremely loyal to her. He is also very logical and follows rules in order to get what he wants.

Winter Hayle-Blackburn- INFJ: I worried at first that this was a type bias, but I'm pretty confident in my reasoning here. She couldn't use anything but Fe as her judging function, with her incredible empathy. The way she thinks is very Ni-- consider her sitting in court, imagining her heart is a blood-platelet factory (anatomically incorrect, but it's the sentiment that matters). She thinks and speaks in abstract, but very human terms, and I'm fairly certain she's an introvert.

Iko- ESFP: Oh, my other cinnamon roll. And another example of someone who embodies their type. Iko is obsessed with the physical world, mostly in clothes, stays updated on current events, and is very feelings-oriented. Honestly, she's probably one of the easiest characters to type. And she's fabulous.

So that's my interpretation of the TLC characters. I'd love to hear what you think about them though, and if you haven't read the series, do yourself a favor and find it right now. It's completely worth everything.

I'll probably try to get back to writing about writing. To my friends who'll see this post, remind me to write next weekend, cause I have a list of potential topics and no excuses not to write. And to the rest of you, have fabulous days!

MBTI Types as Words for Intelligent

One MBTI stereotype that irks me to no end is the assumption that some types are inherently unintelligent. Everyone has some measure of intelligence. It's how that intelligence is used that counts. I've posted before on narrow definitions of intelligence. So, with this post, I hope to bring two messages--
1) To the types that are usually cited as smart-- This post is not meant to belittle you in any way, shape, or form. You are smart. But we need to recognize everyone's intelligence. Which leads me to my second message.
2) To the types that aren't generally told they're smart. Yes you are. People just don't realize that intelligence comes in many forms. You're awesome. Don't let the online MBTI stereotypes get you down.

So, without further ado, on to the synonyms!

ISTJ- Knowledgeable- intelligent and well informed.
ISFJ- Discerning- having or showing good judgement.
ESFJ- Sharp- having or showing speed of perception, comprehension, or response.
ESTJ- Responsible- (of a job or position) involving important duties, independent decision-making, or control over others. I feel like this one needs clarification, because it's not generally used with intelligence. You are so together, and you can always be counted on to make a good decision and make it work.

ESTP- Clever- quick to understand, learn, and devise or apply ideas.
ESFP- Resourceful- having the ability to find quick and clever ways to overcome difficulties.
ISFP- Alert- able to think clearly; intellectually active.
ISTP- Quick-Witted- showing or characterized by an ability to think or respond quickly or effectively.

INTP- Brilliant-exceptionally clever or talented.
ENTP- Inventive- (of a person) having the ability to create or design new things or to think originally.
ENTJ- Acute- having or showing a perceptive understanding or insight: shrewd
INTJ- Reasonable- (of a person) having sound judgment; fair and sensible. (I also thought of calculating, but that has super negative connotations)

INFJ- Perspicacious- having a ready insight into and understanding of things.
INFP- Wise- having or showing experience, knowledge, and good judgment.
ENFP- Witty- showing or characterized by quick and inventive verbal humor.
ENFJ- Sagacious- having or showing keen mental discernment and good judgment; shrewd.

Thoughts? Anything to add?