Why I Didn't Finish Camp NaNoWriMo

        I've been trying to think of what to post, and then I got an email reminding me to register for Camp NaNoWriMo. Which reminded me of how catastrophically I failed last year. Voila, blog post!
      April last year was a low point for me. I was having frequent anxiety attacks and also struggling with my depression. Even so, I decided to try Camp NaNoWriMo. And, being silly and more than a little idealistic, I set my word count goal for 50,000. Everything went well enough at first, but within a week, I was behind. I was too anxious to write during most of the time I could have. I was too exhausted at night to catch up. So I fell further and further behind. And, come the end of the month, I was only at about 20,000 words.
      And I'm okay with that, for a few reasons.
      The first is that it's a heck of a lot more than I would've written had I not tried. I had a good beginning. I'd done my best. I probably technically could have written the other 30,000, but I would have been majorly stressed, possibly panicked, and I wouldn't have taken that time to take care of myself.
      That's the second. I needed to take care of myself, first. I wouldn't have had any fun writing. I wouldn't have done anything but stress myself out. Instead of writing, I spent time researching anxiety, I spent one night a week in therapy learning to manage anxiety, and I let my writing go for a bit, because it was not helping me.
       Writing is supposed to be fun. A pain in the butt and the head and the heart, but overall worth it. And that's my third point. It was not worth it last April. I needed a break for my mental health. And that's okay.
       I'm trying again this year, this time with an editing goal for my November 2015 novel. I know I'm a lot stronger than I was one year ago. I also know that life might interfere with my writing again. In fact, it probably will. But I'm accepting that, knowing that I'll get something out of it. I didn't fail last year. I didn't meet my goal, but I didn't fail. I let myself do what was best for me.
      So as you go into any of your writing goals, keep that in mind. Writing is wonderful and takes you to amazing places, but your health is more important. Let yourself fail if you need to. There will always be more time to write. But you are so important and you need to take care of yourself first. If writing helps you work through stress or problems of any sort, go for it. But if it's only going to make you feel worse, then for heaven's sake, stop worrying about it and go do something that will help you feel better now. That novel will get written eventually, but not if you're not there to write it.

Lessons from Finding Neverland: Write from the Heart

     I've recently discovered an amazing new musical called Finding Neverland. It's centered around J.M. Barrie's journey as he wrote Peter Pan. As a writer, I was immediately drawn into his struggle of finding ideas, and aside from being a fabulously entertaining soundtrack, I think it carries a real message for writers.
     The musical is about J.M. Barrie finding the inspiration for and writing Peter Pan, despite growing personal problems, a lack of inspiration, and no one believing that the play will ever sell. The plot revolves around Barrie choosing to write what he's passionate about, rather than what the crowd wants.
     In the beginning, Barrie "[Hasn't] had a new idea in years." He meets a family of four young boys and their widowed mother, and uses their imaginative games to inspire a far-off, idyllic world called Neverland. He frequently tells the boys how the world is far more than meets the eye, and that imagination is the key to living.
      After having Peter Pan initially rejected by his producer, Barrie must decide whether to follow the story he's passionate about. In what sounds like a dream scene, his "Dark Side" talks to him, saying, "You have to use your pen for something other than satisfying them." It inspires him to keep going, and despite many criticisms and discouragements, he manages to make his play a success.

     In addition to being an inspiring story about following your heart, there are a few very interesting ideas about writing through doubt. Many scenes in Peter Pan are inspired by Barrie's games with the boys, including the pirates, mermaids, and crocodile.
     Another bit I found fascinating was that Barrie's "dark side" said to write a part for him. It eventually became Captain Hook. It reminded me of something I read somewhere about writing your villain around what you hoped you'd never become. I loved that the moment I read it. We don't like to imagine ourselves as the villain. But it can make a truly amazing antagonist to give him/her some of your own traits.
     I also noticed that Barrie had problems with writer's block whenever he tried to write for the crowd. I've mentioned earlier that forcing a character to do something they don't want to will block you. Remember not to do the same thing to yourself.
     This has kind of become a rambling thing, and I'm not certain of how best to conclude. I definitely recommend finding the soundtrack. It's inspired me. And even if you never listen to a single song of it, I hope you'll remember that no matter how few people believe in you, how discouraged you get, there is always someone who will recognize the passion in your work. When you write from your heart, that shows in your writing. When you love your story, it opens the gate for others to love it, too.