Why I Didn't Finish Camp NaNoWriMo

        I've been trying to think of what to post, and then I got an email reminding me to register for Camp NaNoWriMo. Which reminded me of how catastrophically I failed last year. Voila, blog post!
      April last year was a low point for me. I was having frequent anxiety attacks and also struggling with my depression. Even so, I decided to try Camp NaNoWriMo. And, being silly and more than a little idealistic, I set my word count goal for 50,000. Everything went well enough at first, but within a week, I was behind. I was too anxious to write during most of the time I could have. I was too exhausted at night to catch up. So I fell further and further behind. And, come the end of the month, I was only at about 20,000 words.
      And I'm okay with that, for a few reasons.
      The first is that it's a heck of a lot more than I would've written had I not tried. I had a good beginning. I'd done my best. I probably technically could have written the other 30,000, but I would have been majorly stressed, possibly panicked, and I wouldn't have taken that time to take care of myself.
      That's the second. I needed to take care of myself, first. I wouldn't have had any fun writing. I wouldn't have done anything but stress myself out. Instead of writing, I spent time researching anxiety, I spent one night a week in therapy learning to manage anxiety, and I let my writing go for a bit, because it was not helping me.
       Writing is supposed to be fun. A pain in the butt and the head and the heart, but overall worth it. And that's my third point. It was not worth it last April. I needed a break for my mental health. And that's okay.
       I'm trying again this year, this time with an editing goal for my November 2015 novel. I know I'm a lot stronger than I was one year ago. I also know that life might interfere with my writing again. In fact, it probably will. But I'm accepting that, knowing that I'll get something out of it. I didn't fail last year. I didn't meet my goal, but I didn't fail. I let myself do what was best for me.
      So as you go into any of your writing goals, keep that in mind. Writing is wonderful and takes you to amazing places, but your health is more important. Let yourself fail if you need to. There will always be more time to write. But you are so important and you need to take care of yourself first. If writing helps you work through stress or problems of any sort, go for it. But if it's only going to make you feel worse, then for heaven's sake, stop worrying about it and go do something that will help you feel better now. That novel will get written eventually, but not if you're not there to write it.

Pushing the Send Button

      In entering contests, sending my work to beta readers or sending back critiques, or even writing a blog post, one of the hardest parts is finding the courage to press send. It's a scary thing. The moment you push that button, your work is there to be read and judged, and there's nothing you can do to get it back.
      I think when I'm working up the courage to push that innocent-looking little button, what I'm really trying to do is prepare myself for possible rejection. I've poured my heart and soul into these words, and now I'm sending them out into a place where they could potentially be torn to shreds. It's a completely valid fear. But if I lived by that, I wouldn't be writing this right now. The thing about writing is that there will be a lot of rejection. No matter what, someone won't be satisfied. And that's okay.
      Facing rejection as a writer is a tricky balancing act. J.K. Rowling was rejected something-teen times before publishing the first Harry Potter book, so rejection isn't necessarily an indicator of quality or lack thereof. However, it's always good to take a look at your blind spots. In this case, rejection-- especially people pointing out one specific issue--can help your work grow.
    The other thing is that most of the time, especially in sending to beta readers, people are really nice. A lot of beta readers are writers themselves, and know how to give a good critique without crushing your soul. Most of the time, you'll get things you did well in addition to what you can fix. As far as blogging goes, I've no doubt that at least one person has run across this site and disliked it. But I'm still here. I'm alive.
       So if you need to close your eyes and scream as you press the button, do it. If you have to curl up on the floor, hold a pillow, and sob uncontrollably for ten minutes after, do it (also get yourself some hot cocoa and take care of yourself). But whatever you do, press that send button. Your writing will thank you for it.

A Simple-ish Explanation of the Cognitive Functions

            For a blog that is supposedly about writing, life, and MBTI, I've posted a lot about life, less about writing, and twice about MBTI.

            As I discovered the MBTI system, I looked up everything I could on everything (like I do when I have a new obsession– I've learned it's a Ni trait, but I digress). But for awhile, I ignored the cognitive functions. Why? Because they were just too darn complicated. I couldn't figure it out, and I couldn't fathom how I'd memorize each type's function combination. I could not for the life of me get a straightforward explanation of them. So, now that I'm older and wiser and actually kind of know what I'm talking about, I'm going to write that explanation.

            There are eight functions. Each has an abbreviation, which is listed below. I've also included a short explanation of the basics each function.

Extraverted Sensing- Se- Often stereotyped as the adrenaline junkie function. Se is all about taking in information in the present moment. It pays attention to the five senses and is aware of the external world.

Introverted Sensing- Si- Si is most closely linked to memory, and to being aware of sensation within one's own body. Si types tend to put trust in the past and what has worked before, which lends towards their reputation of being stubborn and bad with change.

Introverted Intuition- Ni- Ni gets a really good reputation in the MBTI community. It's known on tumblr as "psychic powers." In reality, Ni is all about picking up patterns and applying them to the future. It's used mostly unconsciously, assembling bits of information and putting them together like puzzle pieces, all below conscious understanding.

Extraverted Intuition- Ne- Ne is focused on possibilities- all of the possibilities. My best friend's little sister uses Ne, and hasn't yet developed her second function, and you can see that in the way she talks. She'll jump from idea to idea exhaustingly quickly, with seemingly no connections between them. Ne gathers as much information as possible and looks for relationships between things.

Extraverted Feeling- Fe- Stereotypically hugs and emotional manipulation, Fe seeks external harmony between people. It tries to read the dynamics of a situation and bring people together. Fe focuses on community values, but this doesn't necessarily mean that it uses traditional values. Fe takes the values of the community they belong to to heart, and try to help everyone feel included within them.

Introverted Feeling- Fi- Fi is all about internal values. It's about exploring one's own thoughts and feelings and staying true to them. Fi users tend to work through their feelings internally rather than look for external companionship. They live with the idea of not being able to control everything, but controlling themselves.

Introverted Thinking- Ti- Ti cares about internal logical consistency. It makes an internal framework for how the world works, adjusting when necessary for new information. Ti is analytical and enjoys taking things apart and figuring out why they work. It loves learning and finding the best possible solution, regardless of time.

Extraverted Thinking- Te- Te cares about structuring and ordering the external world through rational thought. It's decisive and efficient, and is very action-oriented. While Ti is content to sit and think about options for hours, Te likes to make a decision and execute it as quickly as possible. Te users tend to be good leaders because of this quality.

            The Judging function are the thinking/feeling ones– Ti, Fi, Te, and Fe. Perceivers will have the introverted versions of these functions, while judgers will have the extraverted versions. These functions primarily affect decision making– passing judgements. The Perceiving functions are Ne, Ni, Se, and Si. They affect how we process and experience the world, and having an extraverted perceiving function makes you a perceiver.

            Everyone has four functions in their stack, but you only need to figure out the first two, and the last two will be the opposite (Opposites are Ni/Se, Fi/Te, Si/Ne, Ti/Fe). Figuring out the functions can be a little complicated, especially if you don't know what they are, so here's a brief sketch of each function.

            Now, on to figuring out your functions! I'm going to use myself as an example. So, because of my obsession with this system, and because I overanalyze things, I got into this black hole of self-doubt a few months ago. What if I'm not actually an INFJ? What if everything I think I know about myself is a lie? So I resolved to determine the problem mathematically. (My method only fed into my doubt at first. My main problem was what if I'm actually a thinker/perceiver because Ti?) I found five different function tests across the internet, and took each of them, writing down my percentage for each function. Then I took the averages of each percentage to figure everything out. I discovered I am, in fact, an INFJ, I just have really strong Ti and social anxiety that impacts my Fe. You don't have to go to these lengths, but it helped me.

            Anyhow, in order to figure out which functions you use, it would be good to take at least one function test, to get a feel, and you kind of need to study the system. A lot. You don't necessarily need to find your dominant function first. I usually figure out thinking/feeling first, then figure out if the function is introverted or extraverted, then determine if the person is more introverted or extraverted. Your dominant function will be introverted if you're an introvert, and vice versa. Your secondary function will be extroverted if you're introverted.

If your dominant function is-

Te or Fe, your secondary function will either be Si or Ni

Ti or Fi, your secondary function will be Ne or Se.

Ni or Si, your secondary function will be Fe or Te.

Ne or Se, your secondary function will be Fi or Ti.

Figure out which dominant and secondary functions best fit you, and then put them together to find your type.

Ni, Fe, Ti, Se- INFJ

Ni, Te, Fi, Se- INTJ

Ne, Fi, Te, Si- ENFP

Ne, Ti, Fe, Si- ENTP

Se, Ti, Fe, Ni- ESTP

Se, Fi, Te, Ni- ESFP

Si, Te, Fi, Ne- ISTJ

Si, Fe, Ti, Ne- ISFJ

Ti, Se, Ni, Fe- ISTP

Ti, Ne, Si, Fe- INTP

Te, Ni, Se, Fi- ENTJ

Te, Si, Ne, Fi- ESTJ

Fe, Ni, Se, Ti- ENFJ

Fe, Si, Ne, Ti- ESFJ

Fi, Ne, Si, Te- INFP

Fi, Se, Ni, Te- ISFP

I'm not sure how much sense this makes, so if you have any questions, please ask them in the comments. I hope I've cleared up some of the confusion around the functions and made it simpler for you. If you want an explanation of the four-letter system and how you can use it for characters, check out my previous post here.

We Need Dumbledore's Army

I try really, really hard not to get political here. But I need to share this. Regardless of what you think of the recent US election and inauguration, you can't deny that the country is extremely divided right now. Hate is on the rise. Therefore, many people are turning to their favorite sources of comfort-- notably, Harry Potter.

This post was inspired by Ezra Miller's comments a while ago regarding the current political climate. He said, "The world of J.K. Rowling is this beautiful mythology that comforts us, and if we knew it as children, it brings us to a very basic place of feeling like we're not alone in the world. [She] reminds us of the tools that we have in times of darkness, like the one we are barreling into right now: our love, our support of each other, friendship, community." He noted that he watched the Harry Potter films with his friends after the election, because they needed that comfort. And he also made a statement that I think is beautiful. "I think we're going to need the Order of the Phoenix."

Reading this made me think. Being a teenager, I often feel painfully limited in the good I can do (which is often where these kinds of posts come from- sharing my voice via the internet to try to inspire change on some small level). I have strong political opinions, I'm a feminist, I care about equality, but it's so friggin' hard to do anything about it in a small town and smaller high school. Teenagers often aren't given credit for their opinions, being told they're "too young" to worry about these things.

Harry Potter often feels the same way. In book 5, he's told he's too young to join the Order of the Phoenix. Then he gets back to school and sees the same problems happening there. So what does he do? He creates Dumbledore's Army.

So I'm asking all the teenagers who might come across this-- will you be Dumbledore's Army with me? Let's educate ourselves on important issues, challenge injustice when we see it, and prepare to be the ones in the Order. Maybe the DA didn't cause broad, sweeping change. But it taught the people who participated. They learned how to defend themselves and others. And it prepared them to enact that broad, sweeping change.

As much as it feels like giving up to write this, maybe teens can't change the world by themselves. The world is a very big place, after all, and a very stubborn one. But I've discussed small-level change before. When you can't do everything to help (and you can't), do something to help. Create your own little pockets of joy and hope and peace and beauty and all the things the world desperately needs right now. If you can't make change for everyone, make change for someone. It's okay if that's just one person. It's okay if that one person is you. Because one day, you're going to be where the adults are now, and you're going to need all of your dueling skills and defensive charms.

I'd like to make one more note on this. Learn your Patronus charm. Find something that can make you happy, that can drive away the darkness around you, even if it's just for a while. Because all the hate in the world is ready to devour everything. It's crushing. You're going to need something to protect yourself. Whether it's music, or a sport, or books, or a list of a thousand little things that make you smile or all of these or none of these, please find a way to protect yourself from the hate. You can't help anyone if you don't help yourself first.

And don't feel guilty about using it. Use your Patronus as often as you need. Let yourself feel happy if you can, and if you can't, work to get to the point where you can. The world has enough sadness. Let yourself be happy. It might even be a little glow, a candle in a vast dark space, but it will illuminate your way and help you find other candles to light.

Maybe we can't change the world yet. But we can get ready for the time that we can.

The Lunar Chronicles MBTI

So, I have recently discovered the amazing series The Lunar Chronicles by Marissa Meyer. Oh, stars, it is fabulous. Easily one of the best-crafted series I've ever read. The fandom is fairly small though, and MBTI resources have been painfully limited. And then I realized-- I have a blog! (I kinda forget that) I can write a post with what I think! And then you all can disagree with me via comments! So, here's what I think about the types of the Rampion Crew.

Linh Cinder- ISTP: Okay, so initially this thought came to me with the nickname ISTP mechanic, which immediately led to an internal rant berating myself for relying on stereotypes, but the more I thought about it the more it made sense. Cinder is very observant, good with the present moment and physical world, which indicates Se, but I'm also quite certain she's introverted. Deciding between Ti and Fi was more difficult, but I tentatively decided Ti. She's very logical, staying cool in dangerous situations.

Kai- ENFJ: This one was kind of difficult. The only thing I was certain of at first is that he was an NF-- he's a hopeless romantic and extremely idealistic. Narrowing down his functions was a bit more difficult, but I'm reasonably confident he uses Fe, with how much he cares for his people. He constantly keeps his wants and desires in check for the safety of the Earthen Union, even if he does drop some epic sass while doing so. That makes it so his percieving function has to be Ni. After much deliberation, I decided that he's probably slightly more extroverted. He never really shows fatigue after dealing with people, and is very personal in all his communications.

Scarlet Benoit- ESTP: Scarlet. . . oh, Scarlet. She's very direct, very observant, and excellent at improvisation. She's definitely a Se-dom. She's also very blunt and direct. She may be a feeler, but I lean more towards Ti for reasons I have no idea how to articulate.

Wolf Kesley- ISFP: Oh my sweet cinnamon roll. He is sweet and perfect and I love him. Fangirling aside, I'm certain he's a Fi-dom. His whole character arc revolves around being who he really is rather than what others want him to be. He cares deeply about his convictions, his alpha, and his tomatoes. He's also very much in the present moment, taking in minute changes in an opponent's stance to win fights, and being very in touch with his senses. (Though that might have something to do with the wolf thing.)

Carswell Thorne- ESTP: Okay. How could Thorne be anything but an ESTP? His impulsivity, his focus on the external, his thrill-seeking behavior. He started a prison riot over soap, for stars' sake. He stole a spaceship he didn't know how to fly. He's very extroverted, very direct, and really, about what people think of when you say ESTP.

Cress Darnel- INFP: Cress's defining characteristics are her imagination and her kindness. She's very in tune with her feelings, and cares deeply about everything, really. And since a very young age, she's used imaginative scenarios to get through the many, many rough spots, jumping from idea to idea.

Jacin Clay- ISTJ: Jacin is another example of a stereotypical example of his type. He's extremely self-contained and doesn't take nonsense, even as a very young child. His Si is evident in the way he uses established ways to protect Winter, and is extremely loyal to her. He is also very logical and follows rules in order to get what he wants.

Winter Hayle-Blackburn- INFJ: I worried at first that this was a type bias, but I'm pretty confident in my reasoning here. She couldn't use anything but Fe as her judging function, with her incredible empathy. The way she thinks is very Ni-- consider her sitting in court, imagining her heart is a blood-platelet factory (anatomically incorrect, but it's the sentiment that matters). She thinks and speaks in abstract, but very human terms, and I'm fairly certain she's an introvert.

Iko- ESFP: Oh, my other cinnamon roll. And another example of someone who embodies their type. Iko is obsessed with the physical world, mostly in clothes, stays updated on current events, and is very feelings-oriented. Honestly, she's probably one of the easiest characters to type. And she's fabulous.

So that's my interpretation of the TLC characters. I'd love to hear what you think about them though, and if you haven't read the series, do yourself a favor and find it right now. It's completely worth everything.

I'll probably try to get back to writing about writing. To my friends who'll see this post, remind me to write next weekend, cause I have a list of potential topics and no excuses not to write. And to the rest of you, have fabulous days!

MBTI Types as Words for Intelligent

One MBTI stereotype that irks me to no end is the assumption that some types are inherently unintelligent. Everyone has some measure of intelligence. It's how that intelligence is used that counts. I've posted before on narrow definitions of intelligence. So, with this post, I hope to bring two messages--
1) To the types that are usually cited as smart-- This post is not meant to belittle you in any way, shape, or form. You are smart. But we need to recognize everyone's intelligence. Which leads me to my second message.
2) To the types that aren't generally told they're smart. Yes you are. People just don't realize that intelligence comes in many forms. You're awesome. Don't let the online MBTI stereotypes get you down.

So, without further ado, on to the synonyms!

ISTJ- Knowledgeable- intelligent and well informed.
ISFJ- Discerning- having or showing good judgement.
ESFJ- Sharp- having or showing speed of perception, comprehension, or response.
ESTJ- Responsible- (of a job or position) involving important duties, independent decision-making, or control over others. I feel like this one needs clarification, because it's not generally used with intelligence. You are so together, and you can always be counted on to make a good decision and make it work.

ESTP- Clever- quick to understand, learn, and devise or apply ideas.
ESFP- Resourceful- having the ability to find quick and clever ways to overcome difficulties.
ISFP- Alert- able to think clearly; intellectually active.
ISTP- Quick-Witted- showing or characterized by an ability to think or respond quickly or effectively.

INTP- Brilliant-exceptionally clever or talented.
ENTP- Inventive- (of a person) having the ability to create or design new things or to think originally.
ENTJ- Acute- having or showing a perceptive understanding or insight: shrewd
INTJ- Reasonable- (of a person) having sound judgment; fair and sensible. (I also thought of calculating, but that has super negative connotations)

INFJ- Perspicacious- having a ready insight into and understanding of things.
INFP- Wise- having or showing experience, knowledge, and good judgment.
ENFP- Witty- showing or characterized by quick and inventive verbal humor.
ENFJ- Sagacious- having or showing keen mental discernment and good judgment; shrewd.

Thoughts? Anything to add?

Writing Holidays

         I wasn't going to post this week, with it being Christmas, but A) I've posted once in the last month. I think I've had a break. B) Since I got off school for Christmas break, I have nothing but time. And a lot of cookies from neighbors, but that's beside the point. I figured a short post wouldn't kill me.
         In honor of the holiday season, and because I haven't posted about writing in way too long, today I'm going to share some ideas about holidays for your storyworld.
         Holidays aren't necessary per se, but they can add a lot of depth to a storyworld. A huge part of culture is holidays, and they can provide new ideas and conflicts. (Expectations not being met, crowds blocking ways characters need to go, etc)
         Think of a holiday. Any holiday, really. I'll bet that whatever it is, it's celebrated because of some historical reason. Halloween is celebrated because it was seen as a day spirits walked the earth, and a ton of our traditions for the holiday can be traced back to that. Christmas is celebrated to commemorate the birth of Jesus. Jewish people celebrate Hanukkah to celebrate when the people rose up against a Greek king for religious freedom (correct me if I'm wrong about this, I looked it up but I might have it wrong). Thanksgiving is celebrated in America to commemorate the first harvest of the pilgrims. Boxing day is a British holiday celebrated the first day after Christmas, and was originally celebrated because the house staff had to work Christmas for parties. They were given the day after off, often with a box of goodies from the party.
          Do you see what I'm getting at here? Every holiday I can think of has its roots in history. I've recently learned the hard way that history is extremely important in a storyworld, and that it isn't always pulling-hair-out frustrating and dull. Think of the holidays I mentioned. Each one has its roots in a story. So thinking of your history as another story can be immensely helpful in worldbuilding. So look at the history you already have. Maybe a holiday could commemorate a great battle, or the beginning of a new era, or a great discovery. What events do you already have in your history that could be celebrated?
          Like I said, you absolutely don't need holidays. But if you're so inclined to make them, they can add a lot to a storyworld.
         Have a wonderful holiday season, everyone, and may your writing flow!

3 Slytherin Stereotypes that Need to be Destroyed

           It's been a while since I last posted. Maybe now that NaNoWriMo has wound down, I'll get better at this. Lol. We'll see how long that lasts.

            Today I'm continuing my series of Hogwarts house blog posts. This time I'm focusing on Slytherin house.

            Slytherins tend to get demonized. Of all the houses, they get the worst reputation. Which is a shame, because in my opinion, Slytherin is one of the coolest houses (I've got a bit of a bias towards Ravenclaw). So here's three of my least favorite Slytherin stereotypes, and my personal experiences and arguments to destroy them.

1- Slytherins are evil.

            No. Just no. This one drives me insane. Some Slytherins are evil. Some Gryffindors are evil. Frankly, by clinging to this stereotype, the wizarding world created a self-fulfilling prophecy. Imagine being an eleven-year-old, so excited to be learning magic in this amazing place, and you're sorted, and people boo at you. The only people who will accept you are other Slytherins, some of whom are involved with bad people. Saying Slytherins are evil only exacerbates the problem.

            Slytherin stereotypes affect members of the house on a personal level. I asked a few Slytherin friends about stereotypes. My ENFP best friend said, "[The stereotype says I'm] evil and manipulative don't trust them they'll cut you. I hate it. It makes me want to cut them. Which makes them right. Which I hate even more and then I want to cry."

            Shortly afterwards, she sent me a message reading, "FOREHEAD KISSES!!! ARE THE CUTEST!!!!!!!!"

            Another friend said, "I suppose the worst one is that all Slytherins are snooty and/or rude to everyone outside our house. Another one is that all Slytherins turn into death eaters. Not only is this upsetting for me, it lowers self-esteem. I don't aspire to be a death eater solely because I'm a Slytherin."

2- Slytherins don't care about anyone but themselves, and they’re all the same snotty rich kids.

            I started writing this in paragraph form, but it's much simpler to make a list.

            -My best friend is a Slytherin (I mentioned her earlier). She's also the sweetest, most compassionate person I've ever met.

            -I know a Slytherin who loves theatre and is amazing at improv.

            -I know another one who is very quiet and loves sports.

            -Another Slytherin friend is a feminist, also in theatre, and he sings and dances in the school show choir.

            -Another one is amazing at sewing and is in charge of costumes for theatre (Most of my friends are in theatre, if you can't tell).

            -Another one has an incredible mind and a great sense of humor, and drives our seminary* teacher crazy by taking everything literally.

            -I know another Slytherin who plays Magic and is on the wrestling team and regularly wears a "Viva La Pluto" t-shirt.

            Slytherins are people. They’re just as messy and colorful and diverse as anyone else. Reducing them to a few traits based on a few unfortunately prominent members is both fallacious and limiting.

            Ambition isn't necessarily getting to the top no matter what. Sometimes it's stubbornness. Sometimes it's having huge, impractical dreams that you will achieve, because you're just crazy enough to take the risks to make it happen.

3- Slytherins are manipulative.

            This one is actually true. But everyone is manipulative. Manipulation is such a common thing; we don't even look at it most of the time.

            Manipulation is actually fascinating because it's such a common, everyday thing that everyone does, but the moment you put the label manipulation on it it's twisted and wrong and evil (Sometimes I wonder why people react so strongly when you call it manipulation. Like hmm. Why are you so personally offended by this? Do you not want to see yourself as a villain? And really, what people are defensive about is a really good indicator of their insecurities).

            Coming back to the main point, manipulation is not a Slytherin trait. It's a human trait. Saying that it exclusively belongs to another group of people is an excellent way to feel better about yourself at the cost of demonizing said group and missing an opportunity to learn and become self-aware.

           

            Guys. Slytherin is the house of tradition, of huge, impractical dreams, of impossible things. Slytherin is the house of people who fiercely protect the people they love. It's the house of pushing the limits of what you can achieve and having the hard-working spirit to pull it off.

            Slytherins are like Gryffindors in their devotion to their causes.

            Slytherins are like Hufflepuffs in their work ethic.

            Slytherins are like Ravenclaws in their imagination.

            It seems to me that Slytherin house is a combination of some of the best traits of the other houses. Slytherins are fabulous. Stop telling them they're not.

           I'd love to hear about you in Slytherin house, your Slytherin friends, and how you feel about these stereotypes! I'm also doing Gryffindor sometime soonish, which will be a bit more difficult for me as I have a bit of a bias towards them. Hopefully, in writing the post I'll educate myself and others, but if you're a Gryffindor and have any input, I'd love to hear it.

*If you don’t know what seminary is, I’m part of the LDS church. We’re also known as Mormons. We have a program in many schools where we go early or are released for a class hour to go to a class to learn about scriptures, and we call it seminary.

6 Problems with the Relationship in Phantom of the Opera

So I feel the need to get this off my chest. I love musicals. One of my favorites is Phantom of the Opera. I love the music and the story. But, in looking at Pinterest, I've noticed a rather disturbing trend.
It is ridiculously hard to find someone who doesn't ship Christine with the Phantom. Nearly everyone argues that he's lonely and misunderstood. Yes, maybe he is. But that doesn't make him Christine's responsibility. Here are the top 6 reasons why I find this trend problematic.
1- First and foremost, this is not a healthy relationship, on so many levels.
Last time I watched the movie, I took note of whenever the Phantom was manipulative or controlling. My total came to eighty times. That's not counting the things that are just creepy, like hanging out in her dressing room mirror (let that sink in for a minute) or having a mannequin of Christine in a wedding dress. If you average that out, it makes the Phantom manipulating or controlling someone every one and a half minutes. On one occasion, the Phantom hits her and shoves her to the ground for taking his mask off. I get it. It's a touchy subject. But for heaven's sake, it's very rarely okay to hit anyone. It is NEVER okay to hit the person you're in a relationship with, unless it's in self-defense, in which case I'd question the wisdom of remaining in that relationship.
2- I don't care what you say. The Phantom does not love Christine.
This is another case that I see a lot. But let me make this very clear. The Phantom lusts after Christine. He does not love her. The Phantom makes it clear that what he wants comes first. He tried to kill her fiance, for crying out loud. Love understands that sometimes what you want need to take a backseat to what someone else wants. If the Phantom loved Christine, her would accept that she chose Raoul and is happier that way. If you want to see unrequited love in a musical, look at Eponine and Marius from Les Mis. Eponine lets Marius love Cosette, even if it kills her (sorry, couldn't resist). She respects that Marius deserves to be happy with whoever he chooses. She remains kind to him and helps him. That is love. Contrast that to the Phantom, who kidnaps her and tries to force her to marry him.
I'd also like to take a moment to point out that the Phantom acts like the lake is too deep to wade in until he's confident Christine will not leave. He let her believe she was trapped. That is not love.
3- Can we take a minute to discuss the ew factor?
Madame Girry says at the very beginning that Christine came to live at the opera house after her father died, when she was seven years old. Ever since then, the Phantom has been communicating with her, pretending to be her father. She was seven. Years. Old. The Phantom is a bit younger than Madame Girry, her best friend's mother. Conclusion- the Phantom is old enough to be Christine's father, and has had his eye on her since she was a young child. Then the Phantom tried to begin their relationship by saying he's her dead father, which is both a cruel lie and disgusting.
4- His past does not excuse his behavior.
I understand this. The Phantom was abused. He had a terrible childhood. But that does not make his behavior okay. I've done some research, and I believe that the Phantom could be diagnosed as a sociopath (caused by childhood trauma or abuse, disregard for laws and social rules, disregard for others' rights, volatile, prone to emotional outbursts, etc. If anyone want to hear it, I will explain my reasoning more fully.) But he still needs to be punished for his crimes. His happiness is not Christine's responsibility. Her responsibility is her safety, and she does a terrible job at standing up for herself.
5- The Phantom is a terrible example.
This is honestly the thing that scares me most. I'm going on the assumption that a large portion of the Phantom of the Opera fandom is female, based on whose pins I've seen. The Phantom's behavior is not romantic. And it's dangerous to present it as such. I scares me how many pins I've seen saying things along the lines of, "If a masked man appears in your dressing room mirror, you should follow him into his lair." The comments on these are overwhelmingly in support of the Phantom. How many girls (and guys) are going to get into relationships and think that that is romantic? How many people will tolerate their dehumanization because there's a romantic musical that portrays it as okay?
6- Still not convinced? Take direct quotes.
"My power over you grows stronger yet." This is one of the first things the Phantom says to Christine. Am I really the only one who recognizes how harmful that is?
"The Angel of Music is very strict." Christine says this when discussing the Phantom. I'd just like to take a minute to point out that trying to control every aspect of someone's life is an early warning sign of an abusive relationship.
"Only then can you belong to me." I really don't think this needs explanation.
"D*** you! You little prying Pandora! You little demon, Is this what you wanted to see? Curse you, you little lying Delilah! You little viper! Now you cannot ever be free!" This is where he hits her. This is not healthy.
"You will curse the day you did not do all that the Phantom asked of you!" Can I make it any more clear that the Phantom does not respect Christine?
P.S. I haven't even brought up the sequel, Love Never Dies. If you ever want to get angry, read the Wikipedia synopsis. 

 

Keeping the Balance- School vs. Writing

       Before I even start, I want to make it clear that I am by no means an expert at balancing anything, much less schoolwork with writing. This is kind of going to be a maybe-this-will-work-for-both-of-us kind of post, because I'm still figuring it out, too.
      Disclaimer aside, it's getting to be that time of year. I don't know when all of you start school, but I'm going back Thursday to start my junior year of high school. And while I'm excited for the classes, I'm also trying to figure out how I'll balance my writing with my grades, because, as annoying as they are, grades kind of are important.
      This is also the first year I'll be editing one novel and writing another, so I've been trying to figure out how to balance work between those.
      My tentative plan is to plan three tasks a day at the beginning of the week. On Monday, Wednesday, and Friday, I'll edit Dragonchild. On Tuesday, Thursday, and Saturday, I'll write my as-of-yet-unnamed WIP. I'm not setting any tasks Sunday so I can focus on church and family that day.
      These tasks are to be completed during free time at school, after-school activities, and home. As little as I usually want to write, I like math even less, so I'd get a lot of writing done while I was supposed to be doing homework, but there's kind of an obvious pitfall to that. So, I'm going to adopt my writing sit-your-butt-down-in-the-chair-and-get-it-over-with policy. Also, pretending to do vital research for the Doctor. . . That always helps.
      Another balance I need to find is how hard to push myself. That's where the tasks come in. I assign myself three a day, planning at the beginning of the week. Since I haven't done as much writing as I intended this summer, I'm starting small and working my way up-- Tuesday involves worldbuilding and 200 words, Thursday character development and 250 words, and so on. I'm only setting two tasks Fridays and Saturdays so that every week, I write a blog post one day and save EVERYTHING to Dropbox the other.
     I really have no idea if this is going to work, but it's my plan, and even if it doesn't help me, it might help you. Also, having it on the internet for people to see might give me more motivation.
     The main thing is the same thing you need to remember when you don't want to write-- you won't want to do your schoolwork, but it's got to get done. Maybe you could pretend to be doing research or something. I don't know. But I'm convinced that the universe hinges on balance, from the placement of planets to the details of managing everyday obligations. Writing and school are very important. You need both. Just make sure to take some time for yourself, too. Burning out won't help anything.
     So, what do you all think of my plan? When does your school start? How are you going to balance writing with school and everything else? Let me know in the comments!

Lessons from Finding Neverland: Write from the Heart

     I've recently discovered an amazing new musical called Finding Neverland. It's centered around J.M. Barrie's journey as he wrote Peter Pan. As a writer, I was immediately drawn into his struggle of finding ideas, and aside from being a fabulously entertaining soundtrack, I think it carries a real message for writers.
     The musical is about J.M. Barrie finding the inspiration for and writing Peter Pan, despite growing personal problems, a lack of inspiration, and no one believing that the play will ever sell. The plot revolves around Barrie choosing to write what he's passionate about, rather than what the crowd wants.
     In the beginning, Barrie "[Hasn't] had a new idea in years." He meets a family of four young boys and their widowed mother, and uses their imaginative games to inspire a far-off, idyllic world called Neverland. He frequently tells the boys how the world is far more than meets the eye, and that imagination is the key to living.
      After having Peter Pan initially rejected by his producer, Barrie must decide whether to follow the story he's passionate about. In what sounds like a dream scene, his "Dark Side" talks to him, saying, "You have to use your pen for something other than satisfying them." It inspires him to keep going, and despite many criticisms and discouragements, he manages to make his play a success.

     In addition to being an inspiring story about following your heart, there are a few very interesting ideas about writing through doubt. Many scenes in Peter Pan are inspired by Barrie's games with the boys, including the pirates, mermaids, and crocodile.
     Another bit I found fascinating was that Barrie's "dark side" said to write a part for him. It eventually became Captain Hook. It reminded me of something I read somewhere about writing your villain around what you hoped you'd never become. I loved that the moment I read it. We don't like to imagine ourselves as the villain. But it can make a truly amazing antagonist to give him/her some of your own traits.
     I also noticed that Barrie had problems with writer's block whenever he tried to write for the crowd. I've mentioned earlier that forcing a character to do something they don't want to will block you. Remember not to do the same thing to yourself.
     This has kind of become a rambling thing, and I'm not certain of how best to conclude. I definitely recommend finding the soundtrack. It's inspired me. And even if you never listen to a single song of it, I hope you'll remember that no matter how few people believe in you, how discouraged you get, there is always someone who will recognize the passion in your work. When you write from your heart, that shows in your writing. When you love your story, it opens the gate for others to love it, too.

Utopia

     For a blog that's supposed to be about writing, I do a lot of not-writing posts. At the same time, I want to write what I want to write. I want to write about what I want to say, what I want to tell people. So, today, I'm writing about Utopia.
     Unless you've been living under a rock, I'm sure you've heard of all the shootings lately in America, all of the tension and the hate. It feels like the flag is at half-staff more often than not. Add to that all of the foreign problems, and it feels like humanity is imploding on itself. Like we're an old wooden house, depending on a few cracking beams to stay upright. It's overwhelming to think of the future, all the problems my generation is going to have to live with and fix. I'm watching history unfold, and it seems like it's overwhelmingly negative. All of a sudden, some dystopian novels seem less impossible.
    With all this going on, it makes me think of the flip side-- utopia. How could we make a perfect society? A world where everyone gets what they need, where there's no reason for violence. Where we can just talk out disagreements instead of going to war over them first. Where we don't have to worry about whose land or country is whose. Why do we draw all these lines? We draw them on the earth, in our air and water, and between ourselves. And then we treat them as absolute, and we treat people who live within different sets of lines like they're not people. Yes, we have come light years from the social views of the eighteen-hundreds, but we can never forget how far we still have to go.
    I've already decided against ever trying to implement some huge system. I trust myself to have good intentions, but good intentions can easily pave the way to bad implementation. I wouldn't trust anyone with a large system to create utopia. If we're going to be better, we have to work on an individual level.
    I've thought about it a lot, and I've decided that the biggest obstacle to a perfect world is selfishness. That's why we can't have all resources be free-- we can't trust ourselves and others not to take more than they need. We live our whole lives trying to have more. And we end up with people who have so much excess, they can't even count it, and we end up with people trying to survive without the most basic needs.
    I guess what I'm trying to say is that, so long as human beings remain selfish, utopia can't exist. And we can't just remove selfishness. But. We can help ease the problem. Each and every one of us can choose to be selfless. I'm not even talking about Divergent-Abnegation selfless. I'm talking about doing just one thing every day to help someone, even if it's not convenient for you. I'm talking about understanding what we don't need, and giving our excess to people who need it far more. I'm talking about ignoring those lines I was talking about. I honestly believe that if we spent half as much time trying to understand each other as we do judging and stereotyping and hating, the world will be a far better place.
     I know this post won't reach the entire world. I know my words won't change the course of history, or stop all the violence around the world, or end all suffering. I accept that. But if I can make life better for just one person, I will have changed the world. If five people, including myself, see this post and try to do something for others once a day, then in one year, 1825 days will have been brightened. In five years, the number grows to 9125. That's nearly ten thousand. So please, for the love of the human race, give it a try. You might be surprised.

Hufflepuffs are not Potatoes

    Wow. I kind of forget that people actually look at this, and that it isn't some isolated exercise to try to get me to meet deadlines (it's not working so far). And then I look and eight people have seen my blog this week and... wow. That is cool. And a little scary. And a reminder that I really should try to post more often.
     So, in my quest to post more often, I'm writing today about a topic near and dear to my heart-- Hogwarts houses (again). Because it's largely ignored, today I'm going to talk about Hufflepuff.
    The first thing I want to say about Hufflepuff is summed up in this quote by Queen Rowling herself- "This may surprise people, but Hufflepuff is my favorite house. There comes a point in the final book where each house has the choice whether or not to rise to a certain challenge... the Slytherins, for reasons that are understandable, decide they'd rather not play. The Ravenclaws: some decide they will, some decide they won't. The Hufflepuffs, virtually to a person, stay- as do the Gryffindors. Now, the Gryffindors comprise a lot of fool-hardy and show-offy people. That's just the way it is. I'm a Gryffindor, I'm allowed to say it. There's bravery and there's showboating, and sometimes the two go together. The Hufflepuffs stayed for a different reason. They weren't trying to show off. They weren't being reckless. That's the essence of Hufflepuff House. Now my oldest child, my daughter Jessica, said something very profound to me not very many days ago, actually. She said to me-- and she, by the way, was not sorted into Hufflepuff house-- but she said to me, "I think we should all want to be Hufflepuffs." I can only say to you that I would not be at all disappointed to be sorted into Hufflepuff house. So I'm a little upset that anyone does feel that way."
     I have very strong feelings about Hufflepuff, and, in particular, that it is not the potato house.
     HUFFLEPUFF IS NOT THE POTATO HOUSE.
     Hufflepuff is full of the people who have their priorities sorted out. Hufflepuffs are the ones who are brave enough to fight, but understand that sometimes the greater difference is made by caring for the wounded. It's the ones who are intelligent and creative, but care more about helping the people around them than simply studying and thinking, who think that their knowledge is worthless if they can't use it for good. They're the ones who have huge goals and the cunning and ability to reach them, but would NEVER EVER step on someone else to do it, people who will take the long, hard way over the short, easy one. Remember "those patient Hufflepuffs are true and unafraid of toil?" Hufflepuffs are hardworking, and caring, and really excellent people. And they're so much more. My youngest sister is a Hufflepuff. She's also a born performer, ready to make people laugh at any opportunity. One of my best friends is a Hufflepuff with a deep love for art and a dark sense of humor.
    My point is, Hufflepuffs may be friendly and accommodating. That's not an excuse for you to ignore them or make them the butt of your jokes. And, for the love of all that is good and holy, stop calling them the potato house. Learn from them. Admire their strengths. The four houses show four values, but they are not mutually exclusive. And of all the values the houses show, I think Hufflepuff is the most important. In fact, if we all tried to have a little more Hufflepuff in our lives, I honestly believe the world would be a better place.
    I suppose this has turned into a series now, so I may as well do the other houses at some point. I won't promise when, but probably sometime by the end of this year, I'll also discuss Slytherins and Gryffindors. In the meantime, what do you guys think? Which houses are you in, and do you agree with my assessment of Hufflepuff? Did I miss anything? Let me know in the comments!

Keeping Organized: The Writing Binder

      I thought about making a post about the most essential tools a writer could need (other than, say, an imagination). But, when it came to thinking about which tools I really couldn't function without, my mind kept coming back to one. So today, I'm going to be covering how I made and organized my binder. You can follow it step by step, or disregard it entirely, but I hope it'll at least give you some ideas.

      My binder is just an old, kind of beat-up two inch binder (it might be three; I'm not good with estimating measurements). I've put some scrapbook paper in to decorate, along with a few quotes I like. The front pocket holds random papers that aren't related to writing or are short-term storage. During the school year, it usually has important school papers, since it's the only binder I make sure to keep track of. I also keep a pencil pouch with pencils and pens and sometimes sticky notes and random scraps of paper.

     Inside, the first two sections are for my current WIPs. I use those folder divider thingies with pockets to hold papers that I haven't punched holes in yet. In each section, I have a clear sleeve with reference images, then my character sheets, then worldbuilding, then plot. I have a few sticky notes stuck throughout it, with little ideas relevant to that area.
     The next section is entitled "Other Stories," and contains partially developed snippets, some creative writing assignments from school with bits I could use at some point, and some of my old writing. When I feel bad about my writing, I pull out "Lightning Speed Animal Rescuers" from second grade. It makes me feel better about how far I've come.
     After Other Stories I have Reference. I have character development tools, body language keys, a lifesaving chart on realistic travel (it's on Pinterest here), limits of the human body (here), a list of all the people whose MBTI types I know in case I have a question. . .really, just a random assemblage of things I can reference without wi-fi.
      After that, I have For Copying. These are blank copies of my character and worldbuilding worksheets to copy so I don't have to track down the links every time I run out.
      Next is Conference Notes. That's where I keep my notes from writing conferences, and I reference them quite often. This section tends to grow in large bursts, since I don't have many writing conferences nearby, but when I can go, I usually get over twenty pages of notes (to be fair, some of these are five lines of WHAT EVEN when the presenter has brought up a really interesting point.).
      My last section is unnamed, but has blank character sheets and a LOT of lined paper for when I need it. This is helpful, both in writing and at school (once again, this being the only binder I keep track of.)
     I've kept this binder for about a year now, and it's grown and developed with my needs. I can always get a bigger binder if I need more room, and the tags on the dividers let me switch out WIPs or create new sections when I need to. It's my slightly-larger-than-pocket-size Pinterest for when I don't have wi-fi , plus it keeps me focused. Having all my information about my story in one place makes it much easier to access while I'm writing, too. This may not work for some writers, but for me, it's the best organizational tool out there.
    What do you usually use to organize your story papers? I'd love to hear from you, so go ahead and comment!

Writing Characters with Anxiety

 

    As far as we've come in terms of mental health awareness, we are still hugely lacking in some things, including representing characters with mental illness in fiction. Even when we do see characters with mental illness, they're often in stories about having mental illness. We need more characters who have mental illnesses that affect their stories, but aren't the plot of the story. For this reason, I'm going to write a series of blog posts covering mental illness. Since most of my experience is with anxiety, I've decided to start there.
     The first important thing to remember with anxiety is that the symptoms vary. Some people have more severe anxiety than others, and even the same level of anxiety will manifest differently in different people-- or even from situation to situation. Common symptoms include stomachaches, lightheadedness, muscle tension, shortness of breath, heart palpitations, trouble sleeping, and numbness and/or tingling in the extremities.
    These happen because when someone is feeling anxious, their body begins to gear up to protect itself. You've probably heard of the fight-or-flight reaction. Sometimes I think of my anxiety as fight-or-flight gone crazy. When a person has anxiety, their brain will register ordinary things as threats. People have different triggers for anxiety. I feel anxious when plans change suddenly, or when I have to interact with people unexpectedly. Sometimes even anticipating triggers can trigger anxiety. People have all sorts of different triggers. Traveling, conflict (or perceived conflict) in personal relationships, and driving can be triggers. Even little things like standing up in class to sharpen a pencil, or being the first one to stand up to throw away extra food, can trigger anxiety. Sometimes we feel anxious without even knowing why.
      Most of the time, we are completely aware of how irrational our fear is. We're fully aware that to someone without anxiety, our triggers would seem completely normal or even enjoyable. If your character has anxiety, he/she will have developed ways to cope. Sometimes stress balls help. Some people use mindfulness exercises, like keeping a coin or other small trinket to examine and focus on the present. One person I asked said that mint gum helps. I pretend to play the piano on my lap. Breathing exercises can help, too.
      Not everyone with anxiety will have panic attacks, but they do happen. They'll feel different for everyone, but they're never pleasant. Sometimes it'll be hyperventilating. Sometimes it will be sudden anger or irritability. Sometimes it'll be nit-pickiness and hypersensitivity to disorder or a chaotic environment. Sometimes someone will start talking very fast, stuttering and stumbling over words, or not talking at all. I cry. A lot.
     The other things about panic attacks is that sometimes, someone will feel anxious for a long time before. But sometimes, they strike without any warning. Once, I was waiting outside for my mom after a performance. It was night, and there were fireworks, but I felt completely fine. And then, suddenly, I panicked. I couldn't breathe, I couldn't think. I felt like I was going to die. I was crying and whimpering and felt absolutely pathetic, but any rational thought was sidelined by the panic.
     Attacks range in frequency and severity from person to person. Some people have panic attacks on a daily or weekly basis, and others can go years without having one. And some panic attacks will be easier than others. I once had a panic attack that lasted just a few minutes, just hyperventilating. It wasn't fun, but it was comparatively tame. Even in the same person, it will vary. 
      There are a lot of ways to deal with anxiety. Some people find coping mechanisms that work for them, but sometimes, more help is needed. Some people respond to therapy, others to medication. Some people use a combination. The important thing to remember about medication and therapy is that there is nothing wrong with it. When writing about medication and therapy, the most important thing to remember is to do your research. Therapy varies from doctor to doctor, and medication can have different side effects.
       Really, that's the most important thing with writing about mental illness. Make sure you know what you're talking about. I'd rather read a book that has no characters with anxiety than one that gets it all wrong. I hope that with the information here, and the other resources you can find, you can better write and understand your characters with anxiety.
      What points would you like to add? What other mental disorders would you like me to cover? Let me know in the comments!

The Types of Ravenclaws

    I'm sure I've mentioned how I'm obsessed with Harry Potter before. I've adored the series since fourth grade. And I love the house system, trying to figure out deeper meaning behind it, reading and coming up with my own headcanons, and figuring out exactly what the house does and doesn't account for.
    As a proud Ravenclaw (with more pride for my house than my high school), I think it's important to remember that there's more to Ravenclaw than good grades. We usually associate Ravenclaws with being smart. That's it. But when a narrow, traditional view of intelligence is used that it becomes all about academic performance, any person who is intelligent will think they are not. Albert Einstein once said, "Everybody is a genius. But when you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, it will live its whole life believing that it is stupid." When discussing intelligence, we need to keep this in mind. Therefore, using Gardner's theory of multiple intelligences, I'd like to present a picture of Ravenclaw House. Remember, you probably use at least three of these well. Every Ravenclaw is different, and realizing that and embracing it is what gives our house its trademark quirkiness.
       Think about linguistically intelligent Ravenclaws, who keep painstaking journals and and write stories and poems and keep lists of their favorite words. Ravenclaws with ink-stained hands, who learn languages easily and adore identifying the latin roots in spells, and pride themselves on their huge vocabularies, but are so busy writing their own projects that their formal schoolwork never ends up getting done.
      Musical Ravenclaws who learn everything they can about their favorite composers and instruments, who write notes on the back of sheet music. Musical Ravenclaws who form bands, orchestras, and choirs, because dang it, there important things to learn besides magic and *long rant on the positive effects of music. . .* Ravenclaws who drive their roommates insane by playing music at night when they can't sleep, who devour new sheet music and spend hours composing their own. Ravenclaws who study by writing songs and rhythms for the information, if they ever get to studying.
     Intrapersonal Ravenclaws who can't focus in class because they're too busy exploring their own souls. Ravenclaws who work to find their flaws and fix them, who are more often than not lost in their heads, who see self-knowledge as teh most important knowledge. Ravenclaws obsessed with personality tests, who can tell you their Myers-Briggs type and Enneagram and Color Code and Archetype, but can't remember what that eighteen-inch essay was supposed to be about.
      Naturalistic Ravenclaws who always keep their windows open, much to the annoyance of their roommates with loose papers. THey're right up there with the best of the Hufflepuffs in herbology, and ace care of magical creatures. The ones who stare at the lake to observe the giant squid or linger at the edge of the forest, hoping to catch a glimpse of a bowtruckle or niffler. Ravenclaws who own dozens of books on plants and animals, who study best outside, and learn everything they can about Biology. Ravenclaws who argue ethics with their defense against the dark arts teachers, debating current regulations on magical creatures.
      Logical Ravenclaws who hate essays and busy work, but adore gathering statistics, who keep charts of the house points and figure out exactly the average amount of points each house gains per month. Ravenclaws who write and solve complicated equations because they were bored. Ravenclaws who love solving puzzles and riddles, who create their own, who ace the door question so long as it's logical (the more philosophical ones are harder), but never do their schoolwork because they don't see the point of it.
     Interpersonal Ravenclaws who hate classes, but thrive in between or after. Ravenclaws who don't read as often as their less socially conscious housemates, because there are people to be talked to and observed and learned from. Ravenclaws who are social butterflies, who talk to the intrapersonal ones about personality, who take the theories to heart and apply them everywhere. Ravenclaws who draw even the most introverted out of their shells, who know just how to put the new first years at ease. Ravenclaws who don't see the use of History of Magic, but adore learning about people and how they think and feel and act.
     Ravenclaws with Spatial intelligence, who fill their shelves with sketchbooks and own more paintbrushes than quills. Ravenclaws who doodle all through class, who draw detailed portraits of their experiences at Hogwarts to send home to their families, whose robes are stained in paint and fingers caked with clay, who can perfectly capture their roommate's faces or the common room or the great hall, but cannot for the life of them brew a potion.
     Ravenclaws who are kinesthetically intelligent, who are shocked to be Ravenclaws, since they can't even sit still through class, much less to study. Ravenclaws making up active games to remember facts, skipping class to practice quidditch or devise the next brilliant strategy for the upcoming match.
      Ravenclaws stressing out because they can't get perfect Os, sitting alone in the common room, convinced that the sorting hat made a mistake. Older Ravenclaws coming to them, sharing their experiences, and how intelligence isn't just in grades.
     The stereotypical nothing-but-studying Ravenclaws make up maybe 1% of the house. At the end of the day, Ravenclaws aren't just the smart ones. We're the ones with a passion for learning about our interests, who are creative and always seeking new ideas. Yes, we are smart. But we are so much more.
   

On Mental Illness

     When I was creating this blog, I put the "life" bit in the title to leave it open for me to talk about things that aren't writing related, but still important.

     So today I'm writing about mental illness. I've had depression and anxiety for years. And for ages, I didn't tell anyone about it, because I was scared of what they might think. I'm not sure when I started talking about it, but I'm glad I did. Not only because it's a relief to be able to tell my friend that I need to take a minute by myself to breathe, but also because I want others to be able to talk about it. I want to fight the stigma surrounding it. I want to make it so that others can speak out, without fear of being judged. And I also want to give those of you who struggle with mental illness a pep talk. 

        Mental illness is hard. It sucks. But you know what? I think we're some of the strongest people alive. Because we're fighting a war in our head every single day. And not only are we winning, but we're also going about normal life, to the best of our ability. Sometimes victory is having a great day, but sometimes it's making it through without having a panic attack. Sometimes it's getting your homework done, or talking to people. Sometimes it's being able to get out of bed. We know that this thing will always be in our heads. We know that people won't understand that we can't do this because of our mental illness, because there's this stigma. But we still manage to function. We still live. Sometimes just staying alive is a victory.

    So, I want to tell you this. You aren't alone. You are so brave. So far you have a 100% survival rate. That's pretty darn good. You will have bad days. But you've had bad days before this, and you've made it through those. You can make it through this one, too.

    One more thing-- please, please, don't hurt yourself. You don't deserve that. There are people who care. Even if you can't see that right now, people care. Even if I've never met you, I care. It breaks my heart to think of you, not knowing that. Having people who care about me has been my greatest blessing through this. Please, talk to someone. Your parents. A church leader. A school counselor. A professional therapist. These people can help you. It might be hard for a while, but one day, you will be glad you lived. I promise.

      Love,

          Katelyn